Body Hair
by RedEyedGirl100
Summary: Yao loves Ivan but he can't stand all the creepy body hair. It must go, and he's willing to do anything to make sure that happens. Based off that top ten worst lovers list.


Yao didn't mind many of Ivan's faults. Some of them he found only made Ivan seem cuter. However, there was one thing that drove Yao crazy and made him sick to his stomach. All the damn body hair. How was it even possible to have that much hair. People how often wondered what the Russian looked like under the long brown coat that he always wore. Well Yao knew and he wished that he didn't. When he first saw it, he didn't say anything about it. After all that would have been rude, seeing that it was their first night together. Now he just could not take it any longer. The chest hair, back hair, and the hair in the lower regions just had to go! Making love with Ivan was like making love with a furry bear. Right now Ivan was getting ready for a shower. Yao quickly dug around in his bag.

"Ivan please take this, aru" Yao handed his lover a electric razor. The Russian gave him a confused look.

"What do you want me to do with this?" He asked with a small smile. Yao rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"I want you to shave, aru." The small Chinese man said flatly. Ivan for some reason still had one of the cutest puzzled looks on his face. He gave a nod and left to go take his shower. Once the other man was gone, Yao rubbed his hands together. He couldn't wait to get his legs around a hairless Russian. He ran for the bedroom (the bathroom is inside) and he waited for the sound of running water to stop. Yao hid by the side of the door and once again he waited. The smile on his face got larger as Ivan walked out wrapped in a black bathrobe. The small Asian jumped onto the Russian's back like a wild cat. Poor Ivan fell onto the near by bed with a yelp.

"Yao what are you doing?"

"Oh nothing, now did you shave like I told you, aru?" When Ivan gave a weak yes, Yao pulled off the robe. However, all the back hair was still there! He flipped Ivan over only to see that the chest hair was still there. The taller man smiled.

" I thought you said that you shaved, aru." Yao said weakly

"I did!" Ivan then pointed to his now hairless legs. The Chinese man twitched.

"That's not what I meant, aru…"

(A few days later)

Yao couldn't believe it took him this long to come up with a idea as smart as this one. Of course, he would have to find a way to get the Russian naked first. That wouldn't be to hard, he would just drop one or two maybe four sleeping pills into Ivan's vodka. Therefore, he waited until the Russian left the bottle unguarded and slipped a few pills into it. Then Yao waited for Ivan to fall asleep. The Russian took one-step after drinking all of his vodka and fell to the ground with a loud hard thump. Yao flinched and knew that he would have to explain the large dump that would appear on Ivan's forehead later. He striped the Russian's clothes off and pulled out a silver roll of duck tape. He covered almost every inch of Ivan's body in the silver tape. With a gulp he gripped the strip of tape on Ivan's vital regions he was just a about to rip it off when the large sleeping body moved. "Yao what are you doing?"

"This, aru." RIP! Ivan screamed loudly and rolled up into a tight ball. However, Yao wasn't done yet. The Chinese man grabbed two strips off the Ivan's back and ripped them down. The Russian sprang to his feet and ran for his life. Yao slammed a fist down on the ground.

"GET BACK HERE, ARU! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET, ARU!" He screamed and took off after his lover.

(A few more days later)

Ivan was hidden away in the darkness of a small closet. He had been trapped in there naked for a few days. Sadly he was to afraid to do anything. If he left the safety of the closet, his lover would find him and do who knows what to him. The poor Russian didn't want that at all. Ivan still had sliver strips of tape on his body. Yao was determined to rip them off in the most painful of ways. The eerie sound of nail scratching down the wood of the door caused Ivan to yelp. Yao had found him!

"Ivan baby, please open this door, aru"

"NO! Please leave me alone!" The Russian cried. Next thing he knew the brass doorknob was gone. The Chinese man peeked in at Ivan and smiled

The End~~


End file.
